Death is never an easy obstacle to get over. Right when you think the pain is gone, it comes right back. This is in the view of an ignorant, yet curious, twele year old boy. He still has yet to get over the loss of his five dead family members.
Life is never easy in the sense that everything comes and goes. I've never been able to understand why people die, that is I still don't know why. Why do such innocent people leave this earth when there are people that love them so much, is a thought that crosses my mind lately. Still, this is one of the questions living people may never know.
I am not an only child, in fact, I have three other siblings, not that we get along. Being the oldest has its advantages, in my case, living. Also, I will never underestimate the power of having a simple cold. So many things in life are unpredictable, I've learned to deal with it and move on.
"Owen, get your bags and keep moving, otherwise you will not get any supper," snapped my caretaker, though she still has yet to realize the weight of a dead family.
"Whateva', I am busy," I replied in hushed monotone. This is all after the 'incident', and still, my future does not look bright.
I don't bother remembering my family, the pain will hurt too much, all I know is, life goes on. Life goes on, but for me, it ends. I plug in my headphones and turn the volume to high, nothing is going to penetrate my wall of sound. This is the way I stay until I reach my new home. This is the way I stay until I walk into the pitch black house.
I thought that that was really interesting. You could really feel how the person in the story was feeling. It was an essay of despair and irony. It felt like the whole world was in a complete turn for her life. I really thought that there could have been a little bit more description but otherwise, it was really really good. I also liked how it was an adventure and you ended with the reader to go off and think of what he/she wanted to think at the end. It ended with a question mark that the reader could think for themselves on what that truley meant to them and to what they thought how the story ended. Nice Job!!
ReplyDeleteI really like this piece! I felt as if I knew what the person was thinking and that means you did a great job describing it. Nice job
ReplyDeleteThis desperately needs an author's note to clarify what you are trying to do here with this piece of fiction. Please add that to all your entries. Also, go back and take a closer look at the work for run-ons, where you are combining sentences with a comma. You don't ever do that in your essay writing, so I think it just got away from you when you turned your hand to fiction. Even though fiction gives the writer license to abuse rules of grammar and punctuation, at your age you want to be sure people who read your writing know that you are aware of the unconventional form you use.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this piece I felt like I was actualy there. You didnt end with a 'true' ending wich really left the reader thinking. Nice job this was good fiction writting.
ReplyDeleteIt was really good! I liked the voice you had in it a lot!
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